Just Me...

Tired

I don’t recall ever feeling this feeling before. Feeling incompetent, not good enough, unappreciated. The more I try to shake this feeling, the stronger it becomes. It’s hard when I’m reminded of it everyday. I don’t understand. You give people your all & they give you nothing. Until now I never thought I asked for too much. But maybe I do. Or maybe I don’t & people just make it seem that way because I’m not worth what I ask. Why must I be punished for the actions of others that are no longer in the picture? Why do people allow those people to still have power over their lives? Everyone has been hurt before. But when someone new comes along & shows you that they are nothing like those before, why treat them like they are? Why wait for them to show you something you really don’t wanna see? These are questions I ask myself daily & I have yet to find the answers. I feel like giving up but then I’d be like the others that I claim to be nothing like. So what do I do? Stay & keep trying to prove myself to someone who isn’t doing the same? Or leave & have them prove their point? Tough situation to be in. Love isn’t supposed to feel like this. Love isn’t one-sided, it’s reciprocated. I always put other peoples feelings before mine & in this case it’s no different. If I put my feelings 1st, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this right now. People don’t change, I’m convinced. It has nothing to do with not knowing how, it’s being stuck in certain ways that they aren’t willing to break away from. And to me, that’s selfish. Selfish people need to be by themselves. I don’t want selfish love. I deserve better & I’ll get it. Even if that means being by myself. No one can love me like me

Adjectives

Feeling angry, sad, helpless, hurt and pain is nothing new

The more you do for people, the less they do for you

Fear, resentment, confusion, bitterness and doubt

Seem to be what all my days living are about

Happiness, bliss, understanding, acceptance and worth

Are things that would make me enjoy my days on this earth

Hate, love, passion, pleasure and being too nonchalant

Describe my current feelings, two of which I do not want

Can’t help but to feel confused, undecided and lost

As I debate getting who and what I want at all costs

Annoyed, indecisive, melancholy, all as I write this line

Contemplating moving forward, leaving all these adjectives behind

-CSK